Yes we do. With almost everything in our lives. We hold onto our mates, our children, our jobs, our agony, our problems, our battles, our neuroses and pretty much, well...everything. Here's the rub: holding on is the definition of suffering. So what can we do? Read on...
We don't want to lose. Loss means death, doesn't it? Loss means we're not good enough, tall enough, smart enough, blonde enough or fabulous enough. Right? If I lose an argument or a job or a lover that means a ton of bad things (bad labels) about me, doesn't it? If I let go/lose I'll end up with nothing and an even worse reputation, right? No, no, no and no. It's a lie.
Follow this mental thread as it winds tighter and tighter: I lose an argument. I feel bad. I harbor bad feelings about myself, the argument and the other person. I harbor resentment. I wait (sometimes for years!) for an opportunity to strike back and gain my victory. I wait and feel frustrated and incomplete. The frustration builds slow over time. It takes on a life of its own. And perhaps one day that person says something saucy or fresh and I go ballistic! Wow. It's one weird part-time job stitching these mental threads.
Here's the fastest place to break the mental thread chain: right at the beginning. I lose an argument. The next thought about it gives me two different paths to tread. Mental thread leading to ballistic explosion years later...or...the decision to be OK with what just happened in the now-dead past. The choice is always mine and it's always crucial.
Try it out and discover that being OK with what just happened is not sexy, thrilling or exciting. It's simple and it stops suffering now and in the future. You can let go. I can let go. It, like most things worth having, takes lots of practice. It's worth it. When we don't suffer we have freedom. That's very worth having.
Love to hear your experiences. You can comment below.
Warmest wishes,
Rudy Hunter